Who Am I Writing For?
There’s something interesting that happens after you become a writer regarding your motivations.
I really believe that for just about everyone who starts writing, their reason for doing so lies within themselves. Writing is not easy, and often, it isn’t particularly fun. It requires a certain level of patience. One has to be comfortable sitting with their own thoughts and dedicated to expressing them as effectively as they can. Writing takes time, and writing well takes practice.
None of that is a secret. People who choose to become writers know what they’re getting themselves into. And yet, they still make that choice. You don’t make that choice unless, on some level, it’s something you’re interested in or passionate about. Writing is rarely lucrative — most people do it as a hobby, with some making a few bucks here and there. Of the people who write full-time, most aren’t exactly living it up.
I think I’ve established the point. Writers become writers out of their own personal drive. And I think, when they question what the point of it all is, it’s that personal drive that generally keeps them going. I know that’s been true for me.
But as one continues to write, that self-motivation tends to fluctuate, or at least be substituted for other motivations. Naturally, one of these other motivations is the idea of being successful, however any specific person may choose to define it.
This might come in terms of making money from writing, getting a certain amount of views on content, or a certain amount of followers. Maybe it’s winning some kind of award. Regardless, it’s about reaching some kind of quantifiable milestone intended to demonstrate one’s skill, importance, or legitimacy. Even if there isn’t a specific target milestone, it’s about gaining numbers or accolades that can be used as evidence that the work that has gone into writing has been worth it.
Certainly, this drives many people and often becomes a person’s primary motivator. We live in a society that tends to value these external measures of success, and so in some respects, it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault for reflecting the society they live in and valuing these things as well.
But that’s a topic for another time.
What I find particularly fascinating is a third type of motivation, one that I think flies more under the radar — the motivation to please or impress people you know.
Whereas success in the sense I described above is mainly predicated on gaining notoriety, adoration, or respect from people that you don’t know, this is a type of motivation based entirely around one’s existing social circles and people they meet naturally.
Because yes, there’s something cool about strangers consuming your content and finding it worthwhile, but at the same time, strangers are strangers. You’ll most likely never meet them, and their opinions typically aren’t (and I would argue typically shouldn’t be) more important than those of people you actually know.
I believe my motivation heavily falls into this third category. I want my friends and family to think I’m doing a good job. I want them to like the stuff I make. I want them to think I’m smart and talented. I want them to read my work and give me feedback.
Part of me is writing this article to authentically get my thoughts out there, and part of me wants my friends and family to read it and reflect the attitudes and behaviors in the last paragraph.
Sometimes, I write things with certain individuals in mind, hoping to wow them specifically. The identities of these people change depending on the topics I cover and the phase of life I’m in.
Of course, this is all very vain. But I doubt this is remotely unique to me. We all want the approval of those closest to us, and again, if you’re going to place value on the opinions of others (which in turn is capable of influencing your own self-image), then it’s probably best to put that burden on those who you’ve already deemed to be worthy of that kind of power — people that hopefully you like and trust.
But despite how natural this desire is for a writer to have those they know consume and approve of their work, it’s still clearly problematic, and a recipe for disappointment.
It’s easy to see why. I think about the writers and fellows creatives that I know. Do I consume everything they create? Absolutely not. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to keep up with what they’re doing, or that I don’t support them completely.
It’s simply unrealistic to expect me to engage with everything they share. I might not see something, or it might not appeal to me, or I just might not have the time. I might see it, be interested, be busy at the moment, and forget to come back later.
Of course, I should expect many of the people I know to view me and my content in similar ways. That doesn’t make anyone a bad person! It just means we’re people.
Here’s the kicker — real friends don’t need to be wowed by your achievements. These are people that know you and have already decided that they like you. These relationships existed outside of your content and will continue to. There’s no need to impress them — they like you for you. And isn’t that a great thing?
So, maybe they’ll read your stuff or listen to your podcast and tell you great things about it and do everything you want them to. Honestly, they probably won’t. But that doesn’t change how they feel about you, and it shouldn’t change how you feel about them.
As with most things, accepting this and making peace with it is easier said than done, even if, theoretically, it should come as more of a relief than anything else. It’s still difficult for me, and I’m hoping that writing about it will make it easier for me to process.
At the same time, if you’re reading this and you do know me, why not shoot me a message? Haha.
Truthfully, motivation has to come from within. Everything else is outside of your control, so letting it influence your opinions of yourself and your work too much isn’t healthy.
That’s one of those things that everyone has heard and understands on some level yet is easy to dismiss when the pulls to care about the opinions of others are so strong. Continue to work towards your goals, whatever they are, and do it for you.
